When you have a family member with Alzheimer’s disease or dementia, the holiday season can be a stressful time. It’s a time of year that is full of traditions based on family memory. Often this hyperfocus makes life with a family member with Alzheimer’s bittersweet.
Having a family member with dementia doesn’t mean that the person can’t take part in the festivities. It may not look the same as it has before, but new, beautiful traditions and memories may emerge. With some holiday planning, everyone can enjoy and participate in the fun.
How Dementia Affects the Holidays
For all of us, the holiday season looks different than the rest of the year. Increased family visits, parties and travel can make the season challenging. For a person with memory loss, these changes in routine can severely disrupt their ability to cope.
A person with dementia has a lowered stress threshold. As the stress accumulates, it can lead to behavioral issues within the next 36 hours. This phenomenon is called progressively lowered stress threshold. Unfortunately, this can sometimes lead to a catastrophic reaction that results in a fall or hospitalization.
Despite behavioral warning signs, some families continue to pursue the traditional family approach to the holidays. They’ll follow the same traditions they always have, without adapting holiday activities for the loved one with dementia. When the person with dementia shows behavior changes, no one realizes that it was the disease responding to the stress of the holiday.
To enjoy the holidays, it’s important that family and friends understand the impact of Alzheimer’s disease and dementia on their loved one, as well as their shared holiday celebrations.
Ways To Engage Your Loved One
Including your loved one throughout the season will make your holidays more special for everyone. Here are some ways you can realistically engage your loved one while keeping their needs in mind.
Keep their routine as consistent as possible.
It’s important to keep your loved one on their regular schedule for the holidays. Make sure medication is always taken correctly, and meals and bedtime are at usual times. Prepare the person for changes to their routine and involve them in planning if possible.
Make sure your home is safe.
While the loved one is at your house, provide them with a quiet place to take a break from the action. Make sure your home is comfortable and safe by removing throw rugs, extension cords or furniture that could cause a fall. Also, be cautious when serving alcohol, which can interfere with medication or affect mood and behavior.
Be mindful of possible depression.
Older people are more likely to suffer from holiday depression due to the loss of their independence, or perhaps the loss of a spouse or other loved one. By paying attention to the reasons and causes for sadness, you may find ways to address the loss. Simple things like aromatherapy with pine or other traditional holiday scents can make a difference. Seasonal affective disorder can also cause depression in the winter, so try to plan some activities during the day or in a light-filled environment.
If you see signs of depression, like apathy, increased isolation, withdrawal, excessive fatigue or insomnia, your loved one may need some medical attention.
Ask them about their holiday memories.
Sharing family stories can be a beautiful holiday tradition. Recalling stories and details can create a valuable link to your family’s history for everyone and help bridge the gap between generations. Singing traditional carols and sharing old photographs and videos can help evoke memories for your loved one.
Involve your loved one in the preparation.
Involve the person with Alzheimer’s or dementia in planning and preparation if they are able. Ask for their recipes and help in making the traditional holiday dishes they always served. Even if mobility is limited, they may be able to arrange the appetizer plate or help decorate cookies.
Your loved one can also help trim the tree or just sort ornaments for others if they are unable to hang them. It always helps to have someone make sure lights and ornaments are spaced evenly, so put them in charge.
Giving Gifts and Time to Your Loved One
Finding an appropriate gift for a loved one with dementia can be challenging. Here are some ideas to consider
- Something soft. Consider a set of new bath towels, and maybe add their favorite bath oil or shower soap. New kitchen towels are always welcome, too. Consider crocheting, knitting or quilting a nice throw or blanket to keep them warm.
- Something practical. Many older adults live on a fixed income and new clothes may not be in their budget. Consider a cozy sweater, some new slippers and pajamas, new gloves and scarf, or even the basics, like socks.
- Food and beverages. Put together a gift basket filled with favorites, or one that holds special foods appropriate for restricted diets. Homemade goodies are among the most welcome of gifts, and family recipes are extra special. Always consider any special dietary needs when selecting edible gifts.
- Entertainment. Puzzles and games can help keep brain function sharp, and large sized playing cards help those with visual impairments enjoy the game. Audio books or a CD with their favorite music may also be appreciated. Or, create a personalized photo book that details family history or memories from childhood,
The best holiday time is the time you spend together, no matter what the activity. Watch your favorite holiday movie together or take a drive to see the lights and decorations in the neighborhood. If your loved one is in a long-term or memory care facility, take the time to visit throughout the season. Bring along a treat or magazine to make their day special. Phone calls and video visits can be helpful if an in-person visit isn’t possible.
Celebrate the old and new traditions you make together by spending time with the one you love.